It's time for me to feel inspired again. I'm tired of this monotonous bullshit.

As of late, I am beginning to understand the reasoning behind those that drop out of the music school. I never thought I would, but it's one of those cheap beacons of hope lying just around the corner of a path you know you shouldn't take. You know; the easy way out. I'm resisting temptation.

I've also begun to notice that there's a healthy kind of humble and an unhealthy kind. When I arrived at the music school, I was definitely humbled by the fact that I am not a good french horn player (yet). Which was very healthy. It gave me room to grow, people to inspire me to do my best and strive for that crazy goal you know you shouldn't reach for because it's so ridiculous, but you're reassured by these people that anything can happen. Anything being, you may reach that goal, or you may be taken down a path that you never knew you'd enjoy even more. After digging deeper into my second semester, however, I have discovered the unhealthy kind of humbling. The kind of humbling that makes you feel like you're not good enough at all. It just puts you in your place and tells you "this person is better than you," with no reassurance of optimism. In hind sight, I can't find the distinction between toeing that line and the tipping point which caused me to lose all my confidence. I'm still waiting to get it back.

Jeremiah's only been gone a week and a half. April 3rd can't come soon enough.

Hopefully something a bit more cheery next time.