Sorry it's been so long since posting. I haven't felt very inspired lately. I have indeed tried, given that I've started writing a new post at least 3 times before giving up and waiting another day. I still don't really have anything to talk about, I just figured if I got started my thoughts would get rolling...

...

Any minute now.

Okay. One of the most frustrating things in the world is finding the balance/threshold of your ability to complain before it is looked upon as nonsense instead of venting or justified irritation. For example; I am second chair in the french horn studio at UofL. On all the orchestra programs, my name is last. Upon seeing it for the first time, I did a double take, hoping maybe it was in alphabetical order, or maybe order of class? But it wasn't. It was a blatant error, and my name was blatantly and obviously last. The worst part about it was that I knew it was arrogant and childish to complain about where your name was on a piece of paper, so I didn't. However, I work my ass off daily to know that I am in that chair for a reason, not because I got lucky in an audition. Not only on a piece of paper have I been misrepresented, but on part assignments. Even with friends! I don't do what I do to receive recognition for it, I don't help out friends so they'll help me in return or glorify what I do, I do it because I love helping people; it's who I am, I am a pushover, a people pleaser, etc etc, and I love being it because I love making people happy. However, it gets tiring when the favor is never returned.

Like I said, a balance. I will continue doing what I do knowing that karma is real; I will bounce back, my turn will come, blah blah blah. But I am starting to become quite exhausted.

Once I get rolling, I just keep on rolling, apparently.